I feel like the secret is to want things but let go of the need to have them. To know that there is this little thing in the back of your mind that you’d like to have, but to focus all your energy on being happy now.
Then again, Michael A Singer says that needing anything at all in order to be happiness is blocking your happiness.
I’m currently feeling reasonably happy because I am not feeling too fat, I’ve run a fair amount this week, it’s ice cream and wine night, I have quite a bit of work so I’m more optimistic about my finances, I’m reading a good book or two, I’m proud of myself for sticking with the single-tasking thing, I’m currently eating cocoa-dusted dates and about to drink coffee with cocoa in it, tomorrow’s parkrun day, I’m proud of volunteering, I cleared all my emails yesterday, we’re going on holiday soon, I might see one of my favourite people next week, I’m hopeful that Michael A Singer and/or A Course in Miracles (ACIM) is THE answer to all my worries.
Then again, if I were to focus on some other aspects, I would feel less happy about being single, not having many friends or a social life, being so socially awkward, being over 50 and not having kids, not having much money and not particularly liking my work. I’m starting to wonder where I’m going with this.
The point is there’s stuff that’s making me happy and stuff that’s making me not so happy. I could simply focus on the happy stuff. And/or I could reframe the not so happy stuff: It’s so great to be single and untethered, I really like the few really good friends I have and I love that I get a decent amount of alone time as I really enjoy that, I know I’m socially awkward because I worry about doing and saying the right things and about being liked and I really have high hopes that Michael A Singer and/or ACIM are going to cure it for GOOD, it’s pretty nice to be older and not feel like men are going to ask me out when I just want to be friends. I never really liked that kind of attention. 50 is YOUNG, especially if I find inner peace and have years of bliss ahead of me! It’s true I don’t have a LOT of money but my budget spreadsheet is awesome and the work I do is easy and I can do it from home which is awesome. I’m working on trusting the universe to provide me with everything I need.
Huh. Actually worked myself into a bit of a buzz there. Who knew I could do that? This coffee is completely fabulous.
So, we need to talk about running. I know, again, right? But it’s the biggest block for me I think, well at least one of the big ones. I keep doing this really silly thing. I do badly at running, so I take a step back and I relax and I just enjoy running for a bit, just whatever is easiest that’s what I do. And you know what happens? After a while, without even TRYING, I do a good time in some race, and I completely amaze myself because, well, my expectations were very low and you know I was SO relaxed about it all that I couldn’t NOT run well.
And then, my mind gets all busy like a bee and tells me, you just did X time on Y amount of training! Girl, you are amazing, just imagine what you could do if you actually put some WORK into this! So off I go, trying, planning, pushing, stressing, NOT enjoying, NOT relaxing, BUILDING expectations, talking myself up, getting excited, entering races, getting tired, not meeting expectations, feeling pain, starting to lose confidence, wishing it wasn’t so hard, wondering what’s wrong with me, comparing myself to others, getting angry, giving up, starting again, …
It happens over and over again. I do well. I get results, and my reaction to that is to CHANGE what I was doing. STOP doing what I was doing that actually got me the results and start paddling my little legs like a maniacal duck trying to go UPstream when if I just stopped paddling and let myself FLOAT downstream, I would be at my destination a whole lot sooner.
Which is the Law of Attraction, Surrender, letting go and letting God, in action.