New project, getting ahead to ease anxiety

As I was journaling this morning, it occurred to me to wonder whether it would help my anxiety if I prepared for things further in advance. The reason this popped into my head was that I realised I felt less anxious this morning (the day before my ultramarathon) than I have done all week, and I think it’s probably because I’m pretty much ready now and there’s not a lot more I can do or need to do before tomorrow.

You see, I reckon tomorrow evening I’m gonna feel pretty chilled, and then probably Sunday and possibly even Monday as well. But I know from past experience that, after I’ve recovered some energy I’ll probably just identify the next big scary thing coming up on the horizon and start worrying about that instead. For me this is a holiday I have at the end of June. I know, most people don’t get anxiety about holidays, but I do. And I’m wondering if I can take the lesson from my anxiety about this ultramarathon and use it to deal with the anxiety I reckon I’ll feel about the holiday. I also know that in theory I should be able to deal with the anxiety by changing my thoughts and being positive about the holiday. I am positive about it. But I’m still going to be worrying about the stuff I have to do to get ready for it, like what to take, what to buy, tickets, printing boarding passes etc. Most people, me included, leave most of this stuff until the very last minute. I think it’s just human nature. But what if I took an extreme approach to getting ready in advance? Would that help to reduce my anxiety, anxiety which I feel is kind of the bane of my existence.

I really like this idea of getting everything done in advance. I remember a few months ago when I was really busy and always felt like I was running late, I decided to start getting ready to leave the house much earlier than I thought I needed to, so I was actually sometimes sitting there, all ready to go, with 10-30 minutes to spare. I found it incredibly beneficial. I felt much better. Not rushed. And of course you don’t then have to waste that extra time. You can read or tidy up a bit or whatever, but I was so much more relaxed. I’ve slipped back into the habit of leaving things to the last minute. Always running late. Unprepared. I even was doing a little bit of meal prep in that I would cut up sweet potato chips while cooking breakfast, ready to use for lunch and dinner. It made quite a difference to both the time it took me to cook those other meals, but also my willingness to cook a proper meal rather than snacking.

I generally have a feeling of always being behind, and never having enough time. I have this habit of leaving things until they absolutely HAVE to be done. Taking yesterday or all of this week really as an example, I basically have been super lazy because there was nothing that HAD to be done. There’s plenty I could have done this week while I’ve been tapering for my ultramarathon but because nothing HAD to be done, I haven’t done it. And while that might be sensible given the whole point of a taper is to rest, I know that the truth is I tend to be like this all the time. So in a couple of weeks when I’m no longer resting in anticipation of a big race, there won’t be an excuse for lazing around, but will I be able to break the habit?

And I know probably a lot of us are somewhat like this, but I am just interested to find out if I can ease my anxiety by being more proactive and getting ahead of the game. Or would that just make things worse in those times when you CAN’T get ahead because stuff just happens? I think it SHOULD help because if your house is generally pretty clean and tidy all the time you’ll be able to cope better with a sudden busy period.

My other question is, is it even possible (for me) to get completely on top of everything and caught up and stay there? Or do I just have the type of personality where, if I do have extra energy and time in my life, I’m going to end up using it for more exciting things, like entering more races, or buying things to start a new hobby, etc? When, in the past, I’ve gotten myself somewhat more caught up with the more humdrum stuff in life, like house, garden, admin, finances, etc, it’s pretty much always been because I BOTH wasn’t running much AND wasn’t working at all because I had no work coming in.

Even in those periods, I’ve usually started off by just lazing around watching a lot of TV, and ended up starting some new and exciting project such as a blog or writing a book or making travel plans. Now, is that perfectly rational behaviour because all that stuff is far more important than being caught up and having a tidy house? Or is it irrational and even dysfunctional, and leading to excess stress and anxiety and me never getting anywhere with the things I really care about?

I feel like this may be the start of a new project. Project getting caught up? Project anxiety? Is my leaving stuff to the last minute the source of my anxiety? Can getting caught up and prioritising organisation and simplicity over excitement and new stuff help me to banish my anxiety for good?